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Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

	2009.06.11  20.47 i am really sad.

	2009.05.22  21.23 i'm so stressed and i'm stressing about it don't want to take test. miss my cat. want to watch movies. don't want to hear about other people doing great things. everybody poops. everybody poops.

	2009.02.18  14.09 i'm got a boat and, it's going fast and, i've got a nautical themed pashmina afghan the physics club was having a bake sale. today i bought two white chocolate chip cookies and looked at two very sexy nerds.

	2009.01.08  20.26

	2009.01.04  08.35 2009 year of the cat

	2008.12.06  15.49 "In everybody's life, there's a certain somebody, a person that you love more than you love anybody else. Sometimes we're lucky enough to be with them. Sometimes we're unlucky enough to be without them. But with or without them, we'll always love them." - Dolly

	2008.12.05  19.33 desire

	2008.11.30  10.09 these books will own my brain until i finish them, and probably for some time after. i wish i had an excuse like, i'm a 14 year old girl.

	2008.11.16  11.07 big red yams and roast possum i'm just a humble county girl with a love of good home cookin'

	2008.09.21  22.25 i start school tomorrow

	2008.09.09  09.53 i can't get it out of my head. i woke up in the middle of the night out of pure excitement because i dreamed in was next year already. it's like a mad-max ride through heaven and hell. it's a land filled with people who are dreamers and doers, artists and hellions, people who just don't have anywhere else to express what they have inside. so they roll around in the alkali dust wearing next to nothing drinking from a flask they keep in their...god know what and everyone happy just to be there! it's free(ing). it's weird. i'm scared of going back but i can't imagine doing anything else. because i never wake in the middle of the night for anything, until now.

	2008.09.04  00.39

	2008.08.08  16.19 reekie's sad ass tour carlyn gets whatever carlyn wants.

	2008.06.29  22.00 bob and suze and so wander alone she did. and there were many places that she saw, many people that she talked to. once she came upon a great field. it was almost twilight and the trees looked like they were made out of soot. once she found a cave, but she decided not to go in it. she had a dog and they went for walks sometimes, out on the sidewalk. she always wore shoes but the dog didn't, and she wondered about his sweet little paws. once while she was out she met a person, as one often does when you walk on sidewalks. "hello" they said. "hi" she said. and they walked on, but she felt really good about it. it's so hard to be so open, she told herself. and it's very hard to be so bold she said silently. and it's a good thing you smiled and you should be proud of yourself, you sweet girl you.

	2008.06.02  21.45 i am the catcher in the rye. oh lordy. i just spent the last thirty minutes talking to a distraught teenager about how to deal with her friends suicidal tendencies. i've been doing nothing except reading romance novels and going to work. i did stop once today to call and see when i was supposed to return my heart monitor (which i'm supposed to be wearing but i fucking hate that thing. i just had a panic attack anyways i'm sure) but ended up sobbing because the lady didn't understand what i meant when i asked her when i was supposed to return it. "if you got it two weeks ago then you return it in three" she said. "but when?" i said. "in three weeks! i don't understand what you're not getting about that". i was trying to ask her for specifics like, should i make an appointment or, do i just drop it off? but i was so flustered at our poor communication that i just hung up on her because i didn't want her to hear me crying. maybe it was the fact i'd spent the last 12 hours either dreaming or deeply involved in spectacular romance. maybe i was just being a weirdo. maybe both. i'm not scared anymore. at least, i'm about as little scared as i've ever been. goats milk lotion. white rabbit candy. bright colors. hearts full of love and forgiveness.

	2008.05.27  22.38 i have the ability.... http://www.chrisburke.org/merch.php go there. find "friends forever" and play that mp3 sample. being a friend is hard.

	2008.05.25  22.58 an evening of contemporary sitar music. i've seen twelve roadkill animals in the past week. maybe in words that doesn't seem like such a large amount, but to me it's very startling. it almost makes me wonder if maybe the animals are doing it on purpose? maybe, in the animal kingdom there is a mass epidemic of depression. i wouldn't be surprised if that was true. because you would think that before raccoon, possum, squirrel and bird mothers send their precious little ones into they world they would warn them of the dangers of those terrible stone deserts on which giant metal beasts move at incredible speeds. maybe not though, i don't know. life is going quicker. things are getting more complicated.

	2008.05.22  13.03 is it possible to have everything i want? and how long will i have to wait?

	2008.05.16  13.08 does this make me the queen of hearts? i went to the doctor about my heart palpitations. she sent me to a cardiologist. now and for the next two weeks i have to wear this . and it's about a thousand times harder to get dressed now.

	2008.05.13  20.24 venus didn't have to wear pants so why should i? today i had actual heart palpitations.

	2008.05.05  20.28 do weird things happen when i pms? or do i pms when weird things happen? he brought me flowers to make up for the horrible words he said. but they were the flowers i always told him i liked the least. i slammed the bouquet on the ground until the petals littered the floor. then i went to work. i'm addicted to watching law and order: svu. i've got dirty dishes all over my room. pear cores, little bowls with cashew and almond bits in the bottom, chocolate covered raisins and about 5 glasses that used to have water in them. i've got a pile of laundry on my bed and i think i might just sleep next to it. my brother chopped off all two feet of his gorgeous blond locks. he looks so handsome but i have no idea where my baby brother went. i jumped up and down and hugged him and squealed. but then, suddenly, i felt sad and far away. my cousins got beat up. turns out the boy she had a crush on had a girlfriend. her friends watched in happen and didn't lift a finger. i called her and told her she needed to come and live with me. concord is a shit hole and friends aren't real friends if they don't want to ripe the face off the bitch that gave you a black eye. i really think her and hannah tews would like each other a lot.

	2008.04.22  13.13 being 21 is really cool, and i'm definitely going to buy myself the nicest bottle of wine i can find at QFC tonight. and then i'm going to sit at my desk and drink most of it while i figure out which colors in my watercolor kit match my emotions. which might take awhile, seeing as i've been having the weirdest emotions of my life lately. i kind of feel like a radical jerk. because, sometimes i wonder if being a jerk is all that bad. i mean, that movie with steve martin, totally genius! and maybe he was inconsistent, unstable and eccentric. but it's not like he was ever purposefully mean, and it antics caused a lot of laughs! i don't know, maybe i'm just making excuses for myself. i don't want to be mean or rude to anyone, even if when i'm not thinking about it. but that would mean i would have to consciously be kind and gentle towards everyone that i would ever encounter! i think this means i need to spend more time alone.

	2008.04.19  14.41 first panic attack in 8 months, and it's on my birthday. suxorz.

	2008.04.14  13.15 hell yeah bitch, i caught you. but it only confirms just how much of a real woman you are. too bad if this wasn't a photoshoot i know that plate would be filled with cookies and pizza, don't even lie you know it would.

	2008.04.09  12.33 i am a giant terrordactyl, hovering and gliding over the swamplands on a warm front that's been coming in since yesterday. as all the small animal life below me scurries in fear of my hunger or sport, i casually stare off into the horizon. there's no day like today man, no day like today.